Farvel?

Tilbake på Bjerke var det dessverre ingen forbedring å spore hos Sioux, men hun var stabil, og veterinæren ønsket ikke å gi opp riktig enda. Jeg var helt forberedt på å si farvel. Snille Gitte møtte meg der og tok noen bilder mens jeg prøvde å gjøre Sioux litt mindre ukomfortabel. Det var godt å bli strøket på, og godt å bli massert i halen og klødd på bena, så da gjorde jeg det. Men etter en stund var det tydelig at hun rett og slett ble sliten av oppmerksomheten, så da trakk vi oss tilbake og lot henne være helt i fred.
Snakket lenge med veterinæren, og var tydelig på at det var hestens beste som sto i fokus, og at han ikke trengte ta hensyn til verken min lommebok eller mitt hjerte. Men at jeg uansett ville være tilstede for henne så mye jeg kunne. Også i forbindelse med en avlivning. Vi ble enige om at jeg skulle reise hjem, og at han skulle ringe dersom tilstanden endret seg.
Å si at han var optimistisk blir feil. Men han var kanskje ikke like sikker som meg. Så Sioux og jeg sa vel i grunn farvel, selv om det jeg sa da jeg gikk var "på gjensyn".

Back at the clinic there was no change for the better, but Sioux was stable and the vet didn't want to give up just yet. I was prepared to say a final goodbye, and my friend Gitte met me there and took the above photos as I was trying to make Sioux a tiny bit more comfortable. Being stroked, having her tail massaged and her legs scratched seemed to calm her, so I did that. But after a while it was obvious that she was tired, and wanted to be alone, so I left her alone.
I spoke with the vet at length, and made it clear that the only priority was the horse, not the state of my wallet or heart. And that I wanted to be there for Sioux. Even if it meant to be there for her final moments. We agreed that I should go home, and that he would call if there were any changes.
To say he was optimistic would be wrong. But he wasn't as certain as I was. I knew it was goodbye, even if what I said when I left was "see you later".